Some Do. Some Don’t. So What Should We Do?

Although it is nearly a month since I shaved my beard off, there are still a few who haven’t seen me since then, and when they do they immediately comment on it.

At the same time there are still some who have seen me in that time but have not noticed any change. Or if they have, they have not commented on it.

The above responses mirror the normal attitude of the world in general. Some people will notice things and comment, others will notice and not comment, while yet others will never notice or comment unless something is specifically bought to their attention and they have no choice. So how then, should this affect our behaviour and how we live?

I don’t know about you and I really don’t know all the answers but here are a few of my thoughts on the matter.

1. We should never do anything just for attention. If we do do something, (or not do something) it should be because it is the right thing to do irregardless of whether anyone sees or comments.

2. Even if we think no one is watching, we should live and act as if the whole world is watching, because even if we never see or hear from them, there is very little we do that someone doesn’t notice.

3. Therefore everything we do should be done as if we have witnesses, and hostile ones at that.

4. If we are going to be watched, either for good or bad, but particularly for bad, then we should live in such a way that not only gives small offence but in a way that gives our enemies little ammunition to use against us.

I don’t often achieve that, but that is how I try to live my life in general. What about you? Walter

More Seeing But Not Seeing.

Shortly after celebrating our 3 month anniversary, my beard and I recently parted company. I had enjoyed the experience but after 3 months had had enough and so I made a clean cut with it and returned to work clean skinned once again. Expecting quite a few comments.

Well I got a few but nowhere near as many as I expected. It seems that many have simply not noticed. Or if they did have simply decided it was not worth commenting on.

Probably more of the first than the second as on my second day as a clean skin I had remarks about how I had finally gotten rid of the beard from at least two and possible three people who had seen me clean skinned the day before but never noticed then but made a fuss of noticing the next day.

How about you? Do you look around you; at your friends and work mates, with out really seeing them? Can you tell if they look any different today than yesterday, whether it be a shave, haircut, or even a new piece of clothing etc?

In other words, how observant are you of those around you? When you look at people do you really see them? Do you notice if they look happy or sad? Do you care for them? Or are you simply indifferent to those around you?

Tell me, what do you see when you look at other people? Another person just like you? Someone with similar cares and concerns, o simply someone to use to get what you want and discard when no longer relevant to you?

Is that also how you want others to see you? As someone to use? Or as someone who matters? Over to you: Walter

A Real Scary Thought.

Recently I greeted one of my regulars at work as usual. Unlike the American lass in “Blown Away despite having Done Little To Deserve it,” he is one I have given more than a little schlock to over the past month or so .He returned the greeting and said something very scary.

He said, “You are a very friendly guy”. Actually that wasn’t really scary, but what he followed it with was, “There should be more like you”.

Now that is scary! More "Me’s" around!

Now, without trying to either blow my own trumpet or sound too modest, I have to ask, what it is that I have done to have him think that.

That is probably a good question to ask even if he had said he wanted me to drop dead too, I guess.

I think that when ever somebody says something, good or bad, we should always ask ourselves, why did they say/think that?

Firstly to see if it is true or not; and secondly to see whether we can either improve or if bad, change our behaviour.

In my case, I really don’t think I am being over humble when I say I really haven’t done anything unusual or special to warrant that comment. So I ask why does the little that I do resound so well with this new friend of mine. A person I see for less than a minute a day, when I see him?

Am I really that nice? Or is everyone else just plain Nasty? I would really like to knew the answer to that as the responses I have been getting lately for doing nothing out of the ordinary that I can tell, is really scaring me. I really don’t thing I am doing anything different to most, so why am I getting such a positive response? Is it really a ”Dog eat dog” world out there and I am missing it? Please let me know the answer: Walter

My latest conversation Starter.

As you know by now, during my last Holidays I stopped shaving and after 3 weeks had the makings of a reasonable beard and as I was in a position to keep my beard at Work I decided to grow it out for a bit longer. Although it was neither my first beard, nor my longest, it has produced much more conversations that any beard before.

Much to my surprise it has provoked conversations with people in the circles that I move in but have never spoken to before.

I guess it must have been the novelty of it as after nearly 3 months of beard, these conversations have now died off, except to the point of a select few who only want to know when I am going to get rid of it.

Which will be very soon and I guess for a week or two, my new clean shaven look will engender more conversation, but after that what?

What will be my new conversation starter be after then? Will I have to fall back on that old faithful? The weather!

What about you? Are you a conversation starter or do you leave it to others to start a conversation?

Despite being extremely shy around strangers, I often find myself having to start conversation with others, only to find that once started I can’t get another word in edgewise. They apparently are too shy themselves to make/take the first step, but once started there is no stopping them.

So, what if anything, is it about you that causes people to speak to you? Better, what is it in others, that causes you to speak to them?

Are you prepared to put yourself out to make the first introduction and see where it ends? Or will you forever leave it to others to speak first? Usually all that happens is a Mexican Standoff with each one waiting on the other to make the first step.

So, are you prepared to step up, speak up, and if necessary shut up as others dominate the conversation that you have initiated? Over to you again: Walter

Who is Watching You?

I don’t know if it is because my last born is studying Psychology and I am soaking it up by osmosis but I seem to be analyzing things a lot more these days. Especially my latest beard! This is not my first beard by any means, but it probably is the first I have grown while working in the public domain of Retail Sales. All my other beards have been grown during Labouring type jobs.

So this is the first I have also grown on the job and I guess I am just surprised by all the comments that I am getting.

I have been getting comments and advice from people I have barely said two words to before. For instance do you know that if you want to stop a beard from itching, wash it in Shampoo and use a conditioner! I got this second hand, but it supposedly came from a big tough Biker. I must be using cheap shampoo as it had never worked for me in the past. Or now!

I lightly trimmed it a few weeks back. So lightly that my own family couldn’t notice the difference when challenged; but one lady did. Or at least one lady did and remarked on it.

This got me to thinking about other things we may be doing, thinking that no one has noticed or that no-one is watching, but they are. We may never hear of it but people are watching us and often, these are people we are hardly aware exist, but like the man mentioned above knew me both before and after the beard, these people are aware of us. And often influenced by us and our actions, whether we are aware of it or not.

So my question today is twofold. What are you doing that people are observing that needs to be changed? And what are you currently doing that you can improve and enlarge on, to positively help and influence others. As I said in a previous article, “Can one person change anything? Can You?” we are all change Agents. Either for good or bad!

Which are you? Better, which am I? Walter

Treating Others with love and respect

In an earlier article, “I was miffed.” I commented on how, after only 3 weeks of Holidays and not shaving I had, what I thought, was a fairly impressive makings of a beard, only to find others didn’t always agree and jokingly told me so. Much to my chagrin.

I also mentioned that after 7 weeks I was now getting much more positive comments; Which is always gratifying and far better than negative comments, even if you know they are joking! So now rather than being miffed I am quite chuffed but for how long? And for what purpose?

Do you understand the point that I am trying to get at here? Well the point I am trying to make here is that our words about others, have the power to encourage or discourage.

I know that I often say things in jokes that I wouldn’t dare say if I really thought they were true, but is that how others “Hear” them? Recently I received the following e-mail:

Treating others with love and respect may be the most intelligent action we can take. Not only does it contribute to world peace it is the route to inner peace. Disregarding, disrespecting, ‘dissing’ others in any way is just plain dumb. Not only do you alienate them and destroy the possibility of a mutually beneficial relationship, you poison yourself and the world. No matter what they have done, your resentment hurts you more than them. How do you let go of the bitterness? It’s a choice. You can’t control their behaviour, you can control your response.

It’s the state of your heart that makes you smart.

I realize that this e-mail is talking about more than just joking, but as I hinted above, do the people hearing us realize the distinction? Do we need to exercise more care in our joking, so that we continue to be funny and to bring joy and not pain to our hearers? I say this as much to myself as anyone else as I can be quite challenging to some of my friends. How about you?

Is the state of your heart dumb or smart? Walter.

The Present.

As you should know by now I have recently grown another beard after many years. This has brought many comments, some funny, most complimentary. Most, but not all, appreciate my new look.

The other day at work, a regular customer bought his newspaper and just before he left he said, “Here’s a present for you”, and plonked something down on the counter, acknowledging that I would probably need more.

I know it was meant as a joke and even if it wasn’t, I took it that way and found it highly amusing as many have made that offer, but he was the first to carry it through and actually rock up with a cheap throw away Razor.

On reflection I thought that it was a great practical present in one sense, but as he also acknowledged, one that would not by itself be able to finish the task on a beard like mine.

This made me reflect on many presents that I have both given and received in the past. Have they really been appropriate or adequate for the purpose intended? In other words, how much care do we really take in purchasing presents for others?

Do we consider the purpose it is intended for or do we simply go on convenience or price, when choosing? Do we give because we want to or because we have to? Are we joking or serious in our gift giving? What say you, because I don’t have the answer? Walter

Why are people ignoring me now?

Whilst I may not be the most popular person in the world, I never seemed to be short of people greeting me within the circles I normally travel. That is until recently when I have noticed that people are just not greeting me like they used to.

After speaking to them however I found out what the problem was. It wasn’t something I said, or even something I did. It was something that I hadn’t done, that was the problem.

Right before Christmas I went on three weeks leave. Now whenever I have a holiday or even a day off when I am not doing anything, I simply stop shaving. Normally I only have a couple of weeks off and the whiskers are not worth keeping. This time after 3 weeks they didn’t look too bad so I have kept them on for a while.

So now after a month back at work I have forgotten that I have only just regrown a beard and that most people I know around here, have never seen me with a beard before and so they simply don’t recognise me until I speak to them. Where before they would greet me now I have to wait until recognition sets in.

I was delivering some stationary to a business where one of the daughters of one of my work mates work. Walking to reception I walked past her office and greeted her with my special sense of humour and she responded quite differently to previously. At first I thought she must have just been busy and preoccupied, but apparently not so. As she later rang her father and had him apologise for her, as she had simple not recognised me with the beard, until after I had left.

Now you may not have grown a beard but maybe you have changed a little since people first came to know you. Maybe they no longer recognise you as the person they remember. If so don’t be offended if they are slower to respond to you than you think they should. Give them time to get to know you again. Instead of waiting for them to make the initial approach like they used to, you start doing so. There may well be deeper problems at issue that you may need to resolve but more often than not there is no major problem or rebuff intended. So don't be quick to jump to conclusions but always make the effort to greet others first rather than wait for them to make the first move. Over to you: Walter

I was miffed.

After 3 weeks of Holidays and not shaving I had, what I thought, was a fairly impressive makings of a beard. I have had two or three over the years but this has been the most impressive after only 3 weeks and so I was quite proud of it. Well I was until people started picking on me about it. Now Know these people and I know that they were mostly joking and only having a joke, but still I could not see why they weren’t as impressed with it as much as I was.

Now some 4 weeks later, just at the point where I am seriously thinking of getting rid of it, I am starting to get comments like, "It is starting to come along good now”, and "you are starting to look distinguished now. "(A good reason to get rid of it I think!)

The thing is that not only do other people not see things the same as we do, but we often don’t see things as others do either. What looked good to me at 3 weeks obviously didn’t look as good to others. And what looks the same to me at 7 weeks as it did at 3, looks vastly superior to others.

So what is the moral of the story? Firstly not every body sees things the same as you and that doesn’t mean that they are wrong either.

Secondly, some things just take longer to mature than you think and what is acceptable to you may not be as acceptable to others. (And vice-a versa.)

Thirdly don’t always be in a hurry, sometimes it just takes longer for others to see what you see.

So the next time you feel a little miffed that others don’t see or feel what you do, just relax and give them more time, while at the same time checking that your own opinion is in fact the right one. What say you? Walter